It was good to have my family in for Thanksgiving. When I was younger I heard other Christians comment that the holidays, that is to say, Thanksgiving and Christmas are all about family. As a believer and knowing how much the world wishes to remove Christ from Christmas, this upset me. I don't recall ever saying anything to those that made such claims, but maybe I did. I felt that we as believers should say Christmas is all about Jesus. I feel maybe I carried around a bit of self righteousness.
I believe I understand now what those older and wiser Christians meant. The holidays are indeed about family. We gather as families, we eat, and overeat as families, we sing songs together and reflect on past holidays.
I'm not saying that believers should not be upset when others try to remove Christ from the holiday that bears his name. Indeed we should say something and show how much political correctness has gone amuck. Retailers act as if Christians no longer care if Christ's name is included.
But in the end, most Christians think about the work of Christ everyday. We pray to our God and worship Him every day and gather with other believers to worship him each week at church. So when the "holidays" hit what changes? We still remember Him and worship Him, but at holidays we do this with love ones that we don't see often.
My wife and I waited like many other families, for all members of our family to come home for Thanksgiving. Yes we worried when we knew they were on the road. But finally they came through the door with smiles and hugs for everyone.
Each year my role as dad changes. I noticed more of a change this year. My daughters have always shown me great respect as their father. This has not changed at all. But I noticed this year that I don't have much to do with the planning of events. In the past I planned about everything. Each moment we had something to do.
Those well planned days are gone. We now have four households coming together each with plans of their own. This does not end my days as Dad, but rather changes them to an all new level.
On Black Friday as I sat and ate with my girls at Bob Evan's I started thinking about fatherhood. How as time goes by, my fathering changes.
We learn how to be fathers to our own children as we seek to treat our kids the way our perfect Dad has treated us, his sons. Our ultimate goal must be that our children would grow to love and worship our God. By the grace of God alone, my girls do worship the great God of Heaven.
This idea is repeated on many occasions throughout scripture, where it says that a particular generation worshiped the God of their fathers, because God intends for children to worship the same God as their dads.
For example, Christians worship the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. These Old Testament men are a father, son, and grandson. In the same way, my father's name was Frank, my name is Jim, and my daughters names are Candace, Ashley and Reagan. Candace now has a daughter of her own, Addyson. We are all praying that when my granddaughter grows, she too will worship out great God.
We should long to see our children worship the same God we do. To pursue that goal, we must worship that God first. I must worship the one true God as my father, by repenting of my sin and coming to him by faith for grace to love him, as an example and pattern for my girls and, God willing, grandchildren.
This in no way is a ticket for their salvation. In the end they must believe, and so we pray that our grandchildren's eyes will be open to the truth of the gospel.
The wisdom for christian fathering is scattered throughout scripture and concentrated most particularly in Proverbs. In Proverbs 3:11-12 the father says,
"My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth."
Before any father disciplines his children, he is commanded to delight in them. Practically, this means that most of a father's time is spent enjoying his children, encouraging his children, laughing with his children, being affectionate with his children, and enjoying his children so that there is a deep bond of love and joy between the children and their dad. Part of that love includes a father disciplining his children as needed to keep them on a path of wisdom and righteousness.
This pattern is to be modeled by the father who has God as his father and gladly receives instruction and correction from God the father and other authorities God has placed over him. Therefore, a godly father models submission to authority and the welcoming of correction by repenting of his own sin, receiving forgiveness, and walking in restored intimacy with God the father by empowering grace.
Practically, this means that a good father lives out the gospel every day in fellowship with God and his child, and that he knows what to do about sin in the life of his child because he's been dealing with his own sin in his own life first.
Proverbs 14:26 says,
"In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge."
Sadly, our world is not a very safe place for children, as the statistics on neglect, abuse, molestation, fornication, and rape indicate. I would be lying to say I don't think about my daughters' safety out in this world. But God says that the safest place for children is with a father who fears the Lord. Men who fear God take God's wisdom and use their masculine strength to create a fortress of protection and provision around their homes so that their wives and children can live freely and happily under their care.
Practically, this means that a godly father does not allow his children to be unsupervised at the homes of people he does not know, is very careful to oversee any dating done by his daughters, and goes to great lengths to ensure that safety is pursued in everything from where the family lives to who they are in close friendship with and who is welcomed into their home.
Proverbs 20:7 says,
"The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him."
Similarly, Paul tells the Corinthians that when he was a boy he acted like one, but when he became a man he put childish ways behind him (1 cor. 13:11). It is imperative that christian fathers repent of their childish ways (i.e., laziness, lust, whining, drunkenness, juvenile antics, neglecting family in the pursuit of hobbies, foolish spending, and so on) because their sins impinge upon the lives of their children and grandchildren. A christian father should aspire to live in such a way as to be a righteous example to his children, which produces a path of blessing that flows to the children from the faithfulness of their father as they follow his loving leadership.
Lazy fathers are disobedient to God but want to have children who are obedient to them. Such fathers may speak good wisdom, but it is overshadowed by the loudness of the foolish hypocrisy in their lives.
Proverbs 26:7 stands as a warning to such men, saying,
"The legs of the lame are not equal: so is a parable in the mouth of fools."
Wisdom is not merely what a father says, but also his lifestyle and the degree of congruence between his words and his actions. Foolish fathers say things such as, "well, don't do as I do, do as I say." What they mean is, "I'm a complete hypocrite, but do what I tell you to do anyways." Proverbs says that these men speak with no authority and so their children ignore them or mock them as funny and foolish hypocrites. Tragically, these children often face the most devastating teen years because they have no wise father to turn to in a culture of folly, and themselves fall prey to many sins and pains.
Wisdom enables a father to see that the way he lives affects the kind of children he raises, which affects the kind of children they raise, and so on.
If a man is going to be a good father, he needs to start by living in such a way that his children will celebrate his life and respect him as a respectable man. Likewise, his grandchildren will later follow suit, and generations will speak well of him long after he has passed.
I said at the beginning that my girls worship my God. But I also said it is by God's grace that they do. I'm sure my daughters will tell you of the many times I have let them down. The times I have not followed the wisdom of God.
No matter why you are in life, older, younger, living life as a fool, or living a godly life, a father must ask where he wants to be in 10 years. More then this, where would you like to see your kids? Don't fool yourself in thinking it doesn't matter how you live. It does indeed matter. Children learn from a very early age.
What are you telling your children now? Do they want to be just like dad? Does dad want them to be like him?